| .013 |
[17 Dec 2010|08:53pm] |
Just because it's Friday night in a bar does not give every rowdy idiot in the county an excuse to get stupidly drunk. You want to come out and have a good time? That is just dandy by me, drink to your hearts content. You want to come out and start a brawl in the men's bathroom? Maybe you should be doing your drinking in the privacy of your own home.
All I heard was this banging, then three guys stumble out bleeding from various places. We found another guy face down on the floor, totally KO'd. Then the cops got called and everybody's night was ruined. Fucking morons.
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| .012 |
[25 Nov 2010|07:33pm] |
That went well. And by well I mean no one was doused in holy water or burned at the stake, though it looked like it might head in that direction for a moment there. Rick's mother is almost impossible to fool, and I maintain that Allan was not trying nearly hard enough. I'm certain she thought we were both possessed. It's a miracle that we made it out of there with only a few eyebrows raised.
This will be exciting to explain, should they ever reappear.
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| .011 |
[27 Oct 2010|12:47am] |
What kind of demonic little bastard eats three shoes from three separate pairs? It's like he did it on purpose.
The dog is grounded, until he learns to destroy things that I'm not attached to.
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| .010 |
[29 Sep 2010|09:51pm] |
So, the previews made it look nine kinds of ridiculous, but that new Robin Hood flick isn't half bad. Some parts of it baffle the shit out of me. The rest of it they seemed to have figured out, though.
Ricky, why didn't you tell everyone you were so good with a lute?
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| .009 -- It's a hootanany. |
[17 Sep 2010|10:19pm] |
Great giddy god, there are oiled abs as far as the eye can see.
That's right, we are coming to you LIVE from the bachelorette party of one future MRS. BETTY MORLAND. You know what you don't have to be drunk to enjoy? Male strippers. Damn skippy.
Don't worry, boys, we'll all come home in one piece.
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| .008 |
[02 Sep 2010|08:16pm] |
Ladies and gents, it is official. According to my shiny new California driver's license, I am Dallas Martinez!
Now all I have to do is work out a signature that doesn't look like I had a seizure halfway through...
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| .007 |
[31 Jul 2010|08:42pm] |
I get back from my damn honeymoon to find that the whole world has gone to hell.
Drugs in the water? Really. Is it okay now, or should I just assume that anything that comes from the faucet is out to get me? So much for that nice fuzzy newlywed feeling. Damn reincarnates, always causing problems for each other.
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| .006 |
[21 Jul 2010|09:40pm] |
I don't know if it's actually possible to kill someone with a bouquet of roses, but I'm willing to try. If those flowers aren't ready, someone will pay the price. I think they're toying with me. They're trying to kill me less than a week before my wedding.
I need wine.
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| .005 |
[29 Jun 2010|11:34pm] |
I had an interesting day at work this afternoon.
Shady guys that look like they've been in a fist fight coming in to the bar are not that rare. Shady guys that look like they've been in a fist fight having to haul ass out of the bar because six border patrol agents bust in armed to the teeth are...slightly more rare.
Never a dull day...
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| .004 -- Panic sets in. |
[15 Jun 2010|11:52pm] |
I probably should have done this before now, when I had more than a month to spare, but...
Attention bridesmaids! It's time to go shopping. I need a dress. You need dresses. If we don't find something by this weekend, my future mother-in-law is going to skin me alive. So, for the next few days, that's at the top of the list of things to do.
It's kinda nice to have one major piece of this puzzle to focus on, instead of trying to figure everything out at once. Nobody ever said getting married would be this exhausting.
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| .003 |
[30 May 2010|05:11pm] |
So, we got a dog. Isn't he cute? In true outlaw fashion, his name is Prince John. So far, he seems to enjoy the taste of wedding planners more than any treats I try to give him. He ate the corner full off mine. Little bastard.
Betty, I feel like we should introduce him to your cat.
( Private to Betty )
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| .002 |
[28 Apr 2010|11:43pm] |
I don't know how I manage to lose shit in this tiny ass apartment, but I can't find my suitcase anywhere.
Unless I got rid of it and don't remember. Hm.
( Private to Rick )
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| .001 |
[18 Apr 2010|05:31pm] |
Who knew it'd take them a full two weeks to get my laptop back up and running again? That nose dive down the stairs fucked up something important, apparently. So much for superior reflexes. Well, I ain't bitching. Least it's back now.
For those of you who I haven't already met, hey there. I'm Dallas Harper, the reincarnate of Will Scarlett. Does anyone else feel like they've been hauled up in front of some support group meeting when they say that? Anyway, come say howdy. I don't bite, less you ask real nice.
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